still aint getting it

sometimes, all i ever asked for is

HONESTY

tell me things that you know,

ENLIGHTEN ME

i know what u did last Xmas.

this is how i spent my last Xmas.

end product (RICE + CHICKEN CURRY + FRIED VEGE)

as a result...

NANI WAS FULL AND HAPPY!

Psychiatry Academic Supervisor Assessment session

Dr R : So far so good. You're okay. But you seem to be more mature than the rest. Are you the oldest in the group?

Me : *stunned* erm.... no...

in fact, im the youngest.

Dr R : Oh, really. Well, you are more matured than some of the rest. That's good.

Me : *grinned*

After 4 weeks in the posting, we were assigned to meet up with our respective Academic Supervisor to get feedback on our performance.

I like it whenever they commented me like that. Currently, i am the youngest and hence, the baby of the group. Some of the members are even 4 years older than me but yet, i can in a way, have some kind of control over them. i think im born to be a Director General of Ministry of Health. I like to be in charged! haha

Even said that, i was once told that i was too young to be a medical student. it was during my 3rd year when i was only about 20 years old. At that moment, i had a feeling that he was probably jealous of me.

Oh well, i admit im quite a lucky girl!

I'm No Superman

I have about 3 weeks left for my end of Posting exams and it seems like i have endless list of things to do.

Im having my Community Health Project next week in Terendak and we were quite behind the schedule.

i used to be the kind of person who would start revising as early as possible for the exams. However, this is not the case anymore.

Medicine requires constant perseverance and motivation to drive you off the wall everyday. The syllabus of my course is a bit different in compared to any other medical institution *as far as i believe.

Medical course itself is already challenging and tough. I wish i do not face other obstacles that make it more difficult for me.

People, it's time to grow up and be responsible. Please spend less time eyeing on other people's life and instead, focus your attention to our priority.

real-life movie

Psychiatry posting really helps me to understand about the real world.

It snaps me out of the fantasy and shows me what kind of life that we are actually living in.

The truth is, the world is actually not a safe place to live in. It is not a place where everything is only of rainbows and butterflies. It is surrounded with many dark colours that can jeopardize the whole meaning of safety, love, trust and happiness.

After listening to all the past events that had occured to my psychiatric patients, i couldnt help but to feel worried and scared. Distrust, abuse, violence, humiliation, lust, anger, disputes are the common powerful stressors that eventually develop the psychotic features.

The sad part is, noone knows how they feel of the pain that they have been carrying on their shoulders. Noone understands how it feels like to hear voices instructing them to do absurd things or even see horrifying images in their eyes. Can u live happily when u know that there are people watching over your every move?

Sometimes, they can utter the most funniest and the most absurd things that u have ever heard.

But honestly, i am truly amused of their creative imaginations. What would u feel if u have the imagination of Meeting JK Rowling in person and having 2 guardian angels to look after you? It's a bit weird but at the same time, it's nice to be able to have things that the rest couldnt experience.

Crazy might be the word to describe them. But i think, their patience is way better off than that of ours. They have suffered for a long time from their illness and let alone dealing with people's stigma towards them. They might be useless to the society but to me, they are heroes.

tomorrow

I don't know how I'll feel, tomorrow, tomorrow, I don't know what to say, tomorrow, tomorrow Is a different day

who's bad?

How do you define whether the person is good?

Do you rate the person based on the spirituality, personality or level of education?

Would you consider a person who has a very good work ethic but with poor spiritual side and education level as a good person?

Or do you think that a person who reads the Holy Quran and pray daily but likes to irritate and humiliate other people as a good person?

Should we regard the drug addicts as useless and hopeless?

Are we "good" enough?

why don't we go and take 5

i miss the wind blows
the smell of the sea
the sight of the sunset
the warmth of the sand
the lines of the horizon

no pain, no gain

I went thru my 1st facial yesterday.

First time of such experience and Of course, i was quite nervous about it. I did not do extra reading prior to the session and hence, making me looking like a total noob being there. What was even better was that i had a HUGE zit on my face. i don't have to tell you where it was coz im sure u could even identify it standing 2 metres away. yea, it was THAT obvious.

So, it was a 75minute session. starting off with a cleanser and next to the scrubing and masking. Then the lady put another layer masking cream and while waiting for it to dry, i had an upper body massage. at that point, i thought life was wonderful.

Then next came the unexpecting moment. The EXTRACTION process. I noe i had fear of dental extraction but this one was something that i wish to be nothing but another pampering. But i was dead wrong. she removed almost every single blackheads and whiteheads available and i was shrieking in pain while she did it. it felt like i had ant bites everywhere!

then she applied some solution onto my whole face and i felt like the whole skin was burning. i felt like screaming but in the end i hushed it down and just blamed it all on the blackheads.

the lady informed me that i need to at least to attend a facial session once a month. Upon hearing that, the first thing that popped in my head was $$$. haish... there goes my spending list again.

then, the next question is, where shall i do that? and oh, surely, u dont have to remind me about the pain!

seems like it is not easy to be an XX. Sometimes i think my dad is lucky to have my mom. she's not that kind to spend money to beautify her every inch of skin. Perhaps, she has a beautiful soul; that is something to my dad's eyes.

nevertheless, i have to admit, i enjoy the pamperings. Once i get my own earnings, i do not think i mind spending a couple of bucks as a reward to a chaotic career every month. afterall, im just a woman who wants to be as beautiful as everybody else.

PS : My thanks to my other half's mother for kindly giving me such opportunity =)

another anticipation

Im starting to get the feverrrr!

Psychiatry Posting : Chapter 2

Week 2 was challenging but im glad that i am now quite comfortable being around the patients. So far, i only practiced clerking on the FEMALE patients and havent really encountered any unpleasant incidents. One of my friends meanwhile almost got herself strangled by her patient. We did not know why the patient did that and the same went to the patient. this should be expected in this posting since patients are mentally ill and not functioning.

So far, im still not sure whether im ready to embark into the MALE ward. I know it is not a safe place for a female to be in that zone but regardless of the situation, a good doctor should not be judgmental towards the patients. One of my friends is already traumatised after being sexually "harassed" by a bipolar patient. i myself am not sure how to react if i were in her shoes that day. Nevertheless, i still need to go for this since there is a possibility of us to be getting male patients during the exam soon. Hence, i need to familiarise myself with this situation.

Other than that, i was appointed to be the PROGRAM COORDINATOR for our Mental Health Programme in 4 weeks' time. Heard that this is quite a heavy task. We'll see how i sail thru this task. To date, I am facing with a problem due to being posted to HKL. There seems to be no appropriate restaurants around our satellite campus and hence, i usually suffer during lunch time. Well, I am not being arrogant but simply because i was not trained to enjoy those food sold by the stalls. This is more like, erm, a hygienic issue.

Oh well, maybe this is a perfect opportunity for me to lose weight.

One of the days where time is best utilised with sleeping.

speed of light

OMG. it's 28th November 2009!

Wait! Does this mean, we're closer to end 2009?

Wow! We are really chasing against time. We are aging faster than we thought and growing older than we realise it.

Nevertheless, i still feel like a young adult, needing to learn a lot more on life. I need to control my emotions as well as to think more maturely in preparation for the reality.

I am also close to graduating as a doctor, Insyaallah. I hope the route to that goal will not be too difficult for me.

I hope life will be easy on me.

beautiful minds

ive just started my 1st week of Psychiatry. Prior to entering the posting, i've heard tonnes of unfavourable stories being told by the previous Psychiatry groupmates. I have to say most of them were pointed towards the negative aspects of it. As a girl, i am already a risk factor for this posting.

1st day past by and we had our 1st orientation to the Psychiatry department in HKL. We started of with the clinic and the test began right away. We bumped into an Indian elderly man who was taking prescriptions at the counter. Upon seeing us in white lab coats, he right away gave us a salutation and mumbled few unheard words. Thank God, he didn't do anything beyond that.

Then, we were brought to the MAIN ENTRANCE of the Psychiatric Ward where the "best" things usually occurred. An eerie sensation crept immediately and some of us, especially the girls were palpitating hard and loudly. To me, it was worse than facing my OSCE exams in every 2 months!

As we were walking in a big group of 20 slowly into the male ward, the patients right away stopped doing their business and their attention were immediately drawn to us. We saw about 2/3 male patients queued up and shook with each one of us. The funny thing was that, they kissed the girls' hands but not with the gentlemen. I could feel the lips touching on my hand and it was TERRIFYING!

It was funny to see their behaviours and at the same time, listening to their stories. One thing, i am absolutely amazed with their creativities and imaginations that they have in. If they were to be film directors, i am sure their movies can be one of the box-offices. Nevertheless, i cant help but to feel pity towards them. All they need is attention, acceptance and Love.

post-exam ENT

this post would be useful for my other half who will be doing Specialty posting next.

and so, it was done.

i was the 3rd person to go for the exam from group B. it was on a volunteer basis and i would usually be the type who couldnt wait to get it done FAST. well, there is no point to wait longer rite? it doesnt make much of difference and why waste all the adrenaline for hours for the exams! it's either u know it or you don't. that easy.

so there were 2 short cases and 1 long case in the ENT clinic.

1. Short case - Mr Mohammad - Bilateral Chronic tonsillitis.

This guy asked a lot of questions that made me feel dumb and regret for not studying properly the night before. Did mouth examination on this patient. Questions were as such :

1. complications of tonsillitis
2. Criteria for admission for patient with tonsillitis
3. management for patient coming in with fever, sore throat, swallowing problem presenting in ED.
4. indication for tonsillectomy
5. OSA

2. Short case - Mr Har - Chronic Rhinitis with Inferior turbinate hypertrophy

This post was more do-able than the previous one. Mr Har was nice and always with a smile. i think i did better here than post 1. Did nose examination. he didnt comment much.

1. difference between turbinate hypertrophy and nasal polyps.
2. management for patient with rhinitis (medical and surgical)
3. suggest examination after anterior rhinoscopy. --> the answer is SCOPE and followed posterior rhinoscopy and Ear and Throat examination -.-;;;

3. Long case - Dr Ashwaq - Chronic Otitis Media (Tubotympanic)

Well, interesting case. Chronic bilateral hearing loss with otorrhea and she had a history of trauma. was only given 15 minutes to clerk her but i tend to spend too long socialising with patient. physical examination was done of the ear + otoscope examination. forgot to do hearing test but Dr Ashwaq was being nice and she reminded me. PHEWWW...

1. present the case. dont forget to inform whether any otitis media complications were present.
2. reasons for the diagnosis
3. showed a tmpanometry chart and PTA chart. didnt know i have to know this =(

all in all, i hope i gain marks here. this marks the end of the Specialty posting.

Hello Psychiatry! i hope i can learn myself better there.

the end is near

i have 1 week left before i finish my 1st posting of the year 4. In a way, im not looking forward with the next posting since i've heard a lot of... erm, spine-chilling stories about pyschiatric patients. Other than that, after seeing the other half's mad life with the assignments further made me not wanting to leave the current Specialty posting of mine.

As always, the end of every posting will FIRST be celebrated with tonnes of reading assignments for the TESTS. it's weird that somehow, that word no longer has its effects on me. back then, i used to be a nerdy girl who would sacrifice 1 week of her TV shows or Internet for revision. then, Nescafe would be my 2nd bestfriend and books would ultimately replace my bed and pillows. i used to be able memorising a text book and would not be satisfied until i make sure that i had covered every single page in the book. those were the days. *sigh*

apparently, i now feel old and i have a feeling that my brain is also draining out. my brain processing power is slower and memorising takes ages to be done. i get distracted easily and worst to that is i tend to sleep more a few days before exams. NOT A GOOD TIMING, NANI!

my 1st exam will be on this Tuesday noon. The following day, i will be facing my radiology test and followed by ENT OSCE on Thursday. Right now, i am ANTICIPATING Thursday nite instead. oh time, i wish u can travel FASTER!

so, here i am, procrastinating my revision by YOUTUBING, FACEBOOKING and BLOGGING. bleargh. keep your spirit high nani. don't you want to repeat the majestic eras of yours? don't you want to prove to those people that someone as crazy and social as you can still do well in the exams?

well, i do not think my uni is impressed. OH WELL.

2012 movie review

watched it last nite at the Curve, Damansara. at first, i didnt really feel like watching this movie since the thought of having to see the world ends is a bit horrifying. however, since there were not many interesting movies played this week, i decided to have a go on it.

scheduled show was supposed to be at 12.35am. however, i found out that the movie only started at about 1.

so, in summary, go and watch this movie if you dont mind cheesy storylines but with breathtaking movie effects. though it was already late in the morning, i didnt feel sleepy at all since the adrenaline rush was surreal. it made u wish that u would never be there to witness the apocalypse.

however, i have to admit, there were tonnes of illogical scenes that made you eventually wonder the rating of this movie on the ever-popular movie critics website; rotten tomatoes. the ending was.... too good to be true but oh well.... expected. you can pretty guess it along the way.

since it was a 2 hour and 30 minute movie, i ended up going back home at about 4 in the morning.

overall rating : 65% (hey, this is still high in compared to the one in rotten tomatoes (36%))

freakazoid!

have u ever encountered a weird person in your life? someone that u notice his/her behaviour is somehow, different and a bit abnormal?

so, what would your reaction be when u bump into this person? do you feel like isolating and making fun of him/her all the time? or perhaps, you try to be an angel and feels pity for that person and hence, helping him around and be his friend. OR, you could be the OTHER kind who feels good after humiliating him and telling people about all the peculiar events that occur?

i have encountered several people with such weird behaviours since my middle school till my current uni. and honestly, i can sometimes be heartless and be the "mean" type of girl. at one point i can just point out some painful sarcastic remarks if ever the person irritates or annoys the shit out of me. but then, i can also come to my senses and hence, defending him when others try to mock him.

come to think of it, i do have high tolerancy for people with such unique behaviours. give them to me and i can still work with these kind of people despite of their flaws. sometimes, it is saddening to see on how some colleagues of mine totally isolate him and enjoy gossiping with the rest about funny or weird events that were caused by this person every single day.

however, i do notice that people like these are the ones who are terrified with this unlucky person. they will try to do anything so that the person does not sit next to them in class for instance. perhaps they are "too cool" to be seen around with this person.

well, this comes to the question of affective domain. i think my uni's system is bad with this. somehow, this practise has turned us into a judgmental person in deciding people who are good and bad. due to the grading system, one single mistake is strong enough to make people to grade you less. what happens to the term of "forgiving and accepting people"? what is even worse is that the lecturers are also biased when it comes to judging people.

i guess what the system should has been is to learn on how to accept people's behaviour and learn on how to improve them instead of degrading them with marks.

losing faith

slowly this is killing me.

im fighting hard to go through this but i hope my patience won't run dry.

let me remind you, i am just like everybody else, with limitation in my patience.

lame reasonings are something that is unacceptable.

latest sensation!

i have known this guy since 10 things i hate about you. Since Heath Ledger has left us for almost 2 years now, (it's still tragic to me!) i have found someone who can replace him. well, i don't think replace is the right word since Heath Ledger is NOT replaceable. he's one of a kind. Before his death, ive watched most of his movies and yes, a definite heartthrob i tell you. i still have those butterfly moments whenever i think back of his scenes in those moments.

well, without further ado, let me introduce you to this OTHER guy. in a way, he kinda looks like the late Heath Ledger. I think im easily fall for guys with prominent cheek bones with a cute smile and those cheeky small eyes. *aaaaaaaaaa

mind that, he's already 28! a baby face hotness!

*melting*

time aku stress

aku baru tau bah. the best way for me to release my anger is by speaking in malay brunei.

lurus plg tu. bisdurang nda jua merati. dpt tah aku kan bekurapak or mengucap2 mun aku sasak.

indirectly, release plg tu eh.

betuah si nani ani coz dpt duduk di brunei. in a way, i wish aku dpt speaking french jua. lagi tiah babau org mendangar.

love-hate relationship

it has been almost a year that i have this blog. so i wonder whether this blog has been discovered by my friends or is it still considered as anonymous to many? either way, i do not mind. i want my trusted friends to discover this blog so that i can share my feelings and view with them.

on the other side, it is those UNWORTHY people that im trying to isolate from. i am scared that my blog contents can backfire me back. I have heard so much about some of the people who idiotically talked about other people's personal lives to the lecturers. what they do not know is that, their actions can greatly affect the victims emotionally and perhaps, their future. ive seen some of my colleagues were forced to get married due to complains and stories told to the lecturers. maybe it's for a good deed, i agree but i think it's best not to be involved with such stuff. don;t they think further of what the victims' family would feel? well, maybe all they ever care is to be loved by the lecturers for the "responsibility" that they had accomplished.

and hence, this is why i DO NOT trust ANY of my colleagues. as much as i want to, i guess it's for the best. sacrifice is bitter at times, but that's what u gotta do in order to survive. other applicable methods that i have been practising is to be a super hypocrite and a talented actress.

be nice or ur dead.

sweet victory

we won against Man Utd by 2-0!

however, we lost to Arsenal by 2-1 in Carling Cup and we also lost our place in the Champion's League.

well, it doesn't really matter to me. as long as Man Utd does not get any trophy this year, i'll be more than happy then.

still clueless...

sometimes i dunno what i actually feel about this matter

sometimes i feel that i just need to open up my heart and accept this.

but there are times that i feel i should stop pretending and face the truth.

well, maybe i am still not ready.

so, should i stop staring at the sun?

or should i keep on trying to adapt to it?

God, i need you to prove to me that i am WRONG. dead WRONG.

life of a medical student

this will be my last few days of anaesthesiology and ophthalmology. honestly, im quite sad to leave the blocks. Though i have to admit, anaesth does give me headache and boredom, but in the end, i manage to get the glimpse of a role of anaesthesiologist in the medical field. however, this does not really motivate me to be one. somehow, i am always lost in anaesth class. it's either that i get sleepy easily or perhaps the lecturer itself is enough to sedate me deeply. other reason that can be my excuse is that i do not find any useful books around to help me with the revision.

on the brighter side of the block, i think i am now more interested to be an ophthalmologist. most of the cases can be quite straight forward and this field requires you to be handy and good with instruments; it's my kinda thing. furthermore, who in this world does not care bout the vision? take a look around, and im sure almost 1 in 5 women are actually contact lens wearer and having eyesight problem. in addition to that, the number of diabetic and hypertensive patients are also on the rise. im sure ophthalmologist can be quite of a demand in the future.

well anyway, im supposed to be studying tonight. my case presentation is tomorrow and this will be followed by physical examination. somehow, i do not really have a good feeling on that latter part. history wise, it has been known that OSCE and Hanani do not really blend in well with each other. i am also pressurised with the fact that i do not want to disappoint the lecturer whom i think has quite a high hope on me. BLEARGH.

i guess i should stop now. it's already 9.45pm. i need to prepare for my case very well and perhaps practising physical examination on my Homer. =)

WISH ME LUCK PEOPLE!!

the natural crown

i have a medium length hair. being a half-chinese, i am blessed to be born with this smooth and straight hair. to date, i consider my hair as a "virgin" since i have never done any procedures onto it other than to cut and wash.

all this while, i have always been letting my hair down. sometimes i am kinda bored of always looking the same throughout the years. come on, im still young and hence, i should be extremely creative with my hair. with the length and texture of my hair, im sure some people would die to get theirs as mine.

one of the reasons of why i dont really try is that, i dont really know how to. i do not inherit beauty tips from my mom since she is an extremely simple person. her usual advice would be to let it as it is. back then, she used to scare me off by mentioning the bad effects of either dying or perming my hair. hence, i was a bit turned off in the end to try it.

another thing is that, my hairfall is quite a problem to begin with. im scared that the more styling products or chemicals being introduced to my scalp, hence the problem will worsen. in addition to that, i also have quite a wide forehead. im not sure whether i will turn out to look good with the hairdo.

finally, i do not think i am born with the talent of playing around with your hair. i know some girls of my age can do many interesting and stylish hair up do. but to me, i am not sure whether i can do it on my own. i know there are many you-tube videos demonstrating the steps for each hairdo. but sometimes, what bugs me is that i do not have some of the accessories used by them. but when i do, they often get spoilt easily. to date i think i have snapped about 4 hair chopsticks and lost many of the hairclips.

well. i need to start performing before i finally decide to cover up with tudung. im not sure when, but i know, eventually i will. Insyaallah.

don't let me down again...

it's already week 3 of the posting and that means i have only 1 week more to end it. indirectly, this means that i will be facing the end of posting exam as well! bleargh. revision revision. here we go again.

since im currently shining well in the ophthalmology posting, im afraid that last year's incident might be happening again. during my last surgery posting, i was very much considered as a very good student. i managed to answer most of the questions bombed by Dr Ahmed. unfortunately, i flunked out in my OSCE examination. it was the most horrifying exams ever. my answers were like shitholes, pushing myself deeper into the ground each time i uttered words out. by the end of the session, Dr Ahmed had this very disappointing look upon his face after seeing how horrible my performance was. BLEARGH BLEARGH.
looking on the brighter side, he told me that i did way way better in my theory written test. (he did mention that fact to me!) but nevertheless, i was very disappointed with myself. it was like giving a false hope to the others and only to find out that you failed miserably to impress them..

so this time i do not want to let the lecturers down. so far, i think im in a good position. i participated well in the class. lecturers know my name and i kinda asked quite a lot of questions in class. (im sorry groupies! :p) the ultimate thing for me now is to PRACTISE AND PRACTISE a gazzilion times for the OSCE. i must appear confident with my answers as well as with my techniques.

i want to prove to the other lecturers that i am just simply not like the rest. I have a unique personality and i can be a good student despite being different than the others. oh God, please help me out. i need a lot of your guidance.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

180 degrees turn...

i used to love Sundays.

but now, I LOATHE it.

my sleeping pill

currently, im in the specialty posting and hence, will be spending my 1st 1 month with ANAESTHESIOLOGY and OPHTHALMOLOGY.

to date, im enjoying ophthalmology more than that of anaest. I do not understand why but reading it manages to make me go drowsy and sleepy faster than the action of propofol. Why Nani?!?! please change your attititude. God has given you with the 2nd chance to shine in the clinical years. The lecturers are kinda fresh and new and hence, use it to the max!

oh well, maybe i need a new study group or at least a study partner. Being alone or isolated from the entire group does have its toll. But i guess it's my sacrifice for my other side of me as well.

Till then, please stay awake in class and do not be sedated by the revision!

I can't bloody move!

Yesterday as of 3rd October 2009, a futsal competition was held. It was an intervarsity competition for Kosmo Futsal Competition. Groups that won will be representing the uni for the intravarsity competition.

I received the phone call 2 days prior to the match. We only managed to secure 8 players out of 10 from our own 2006 batch. I tried to ask from other batches to join in but some of them had plans or revision plan for the upcomings exams.

So, we only managed to practise once as a team though i didnt attend it since i had already plan earlier on. Nevertheless i was quite worried since it has been a real long time that we had not trained or played together.

Then, the day came and i discovered there were 5 teams in total and we were the most senior players amongst them all. Our team is called "Super Hey" (blame it to the other girls! i didnt come up with that! hahaha". anyway, Seeing on how young and energetic the other teams were, surge of nervousness struck in.

Nevertheless, we managed to win all 2 preliminary rounds.

1st game - 1-0 (Nani scored)
2nd game - 2-1 (Nani scored)

Then we were chosen to be in the next semi final group and we won by 3 something. i cant remember but all i know is that i scored another 2 goals in this match and another one by my powerful defender, Amal.

So, that makes 5 GOALS in total!

Surprisingly, we met out juniors in the grand finale. all of them had trained by either one of us so, it was more of a teacher vs student team. But hey hey, though we were all rusty and old, we managed to win by 2-0! unfortunately, i didnt score any in this match. this always happened to me though; scoring a lot in the prefinals but not in the grand final. in the end, we won a hamper which will be used for the batch open house and also..... yeah, u guessed it rite, MONEY!! RM300 for the champion! :p

but anyway, i was totally satisfied with the matches. 5 goals in total! even the referees were impressed and not forgetting the male audiences. hahaha prior to that, i only targeted to score at least 1 goal but God loved me and he rewarded me with another 4.

it kinda felt overwhelming to hear people shouting for my name. i know, im an attention grabber, wearing my arsenal shirt bearing my name on the back. im recognizable. hahaha

so, that night i was sleeping like a log and only woke up the next afternoon to find out that my whole body was aching like shit! i felt like an 80 year old granny with 5kg of weight on my shoulders and thighs. OUCH!!! i ended up most of the time in bed since i felt extremely tired.

well, it doesnt really matter cause all the pain is worth it! it's true, NO PAIN, NO GAIN but in my case, NO PAIN and hence, NO GOALS!!

PS : heard that the intravarsity Kosmo would be held next weekend. I DONT THINK IM READY!

here we go again...

this is only my 2nd day of 4th year and i am already exhausted.

being in a new environment, i do feel alienated.

for once, im missing the thing that i have been clinging and relying on to for the past 2.5 years.

why am i not happy? did i make a right decision?

Halloween comes too soon!

starting my 4th year exactly in less than 12 hours.

BLEARGGHHHHHHHHH.

I am so not looking forward to this!!! The nightmare begins and will continue to haunt me for the next 1 year. =(((((

Oh Lord, please give me the strength and courage to go through the day.

love is such a beautiful thing...

just done with GG Season 3, Episode 2.

I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH THE LAST SCENE OF BLAIR AND CHUCK.

and yea, i want my "blair-and-chuck" moments too! =(

gaaahhhh... so far, this couple is the ONLY one that could make me feel the love that these characters have for each other. i know, it is only a tv-show but...


WHO CARES!!

syawal 2009

it's the 2nd day of raya. so, Happy Eid Mubarak everyone.

On the other hand, I NEED TO FINISH MY REPORT!!!!!! =(

quote of the day

what's the point of being the smartest?

ive found out that most of my UBD-ians are now in Europe, resuming their clinical years. Some got places in Notts, Sot and St Georges. It is definitely a pain in the ass to be seeing them posting the pictures, showing happy faces on how exciting it is to be far far away in the English countryside.

Of course, it used to be one of my dreams to be studying in St George's. I did apply to it and the other unis in UK for medicine but unfortunately, i only got a place to do Pharmacy in School of Pharmacy, London. I managed to get an interview from Southampton and honestly, it was the most horrible interview i had ever done. I wasnt prepared for it and i did not show enough passion for the career. i truly regret of this trial. Despite the failures, i however was given another chance in Medicine to go for another interview in East Anglia uni. Unfortunately, my dad made me to let it go since i had already got this offer in CUCMS.

Other than that, most of my friends also managed to get places in UK to do courses that they enjoy. To date, none of my JIS classmates are studying in Malaysia except for Jon who is also now in Manchester, enjoying his clinical years after spending 3 years here in IMU. So now, i am basically, friendless, except for the fact that i still have Ashwin. Some other friends of mine, are studying in Aussies and only few in the States.

The sad fact is that, i used to perform way better than these people and yet, I am the one who is left in Malaysia, with this sad uni of mine. They say that it does not really matter where you study but it relies solely on your attitude. I agree to that fact but hey, this is going to be my Uni's life. I will be the one who will reminisce about it in the next 20 years. Surely, i want it to be the most exciting part of my life. People say that uni's life will be the best part of it but to date, i do not think so! Unfortunately, im stuck in here, surrounded with people i can barely trust and who take me as a different creature just because i am not like them.

maybe this is the reason why i am not happy in the first place.

Miss Monk

i am not sure whether i have OCD or is it just cause some people are simply disgusting? i do not think that being busy is the right excuse for this matter since i noe these people have all the time in their world to facebook-ing, piling up their fat and playing those nonsense online games. sometimes, it totally irritates me to see these people trying all they can to look good when they go for outing but take a look in their living place and im sure, it's not as pretty as they look.

sometimes i feel like im a maid in my own lil home. i have to clean the stove and the kitchen wall as well as discarding off any expired food in the fridge. come on! you dont have to share your lil bacteria with my food. furthermore, i cant seem to stand having things lying around unpurposely. i like my house to be neat and tidy. home is the place where you are supposed to feel relax and comfortable. but how would u feel if u go back home and have to see those hair strands and dust all around you? another thing is that, can they clean up the utensils after cooking and arrange them back to where they are supposed to be in? do not pile everything up on the drainer. if the thing ever breaks, would u even do the repairing for me?

oh well, at least i can prove to my mom wrong bout me being a lazy daughter and living in a messy house one day. one thing for sure, i want my house to be neatly arranged and spacious. any things lying around will be dumped in a box where you can't see the messiness. to be honest, i like house-shopping. i do not mind buying accessories if it makes the house to look better.

bleargghh.. i can't wait to have my own house!

cooking lesson #5

today, i tried out 2 new recipes : Tom Yam (my fave) and Restaurant-style Chinese Greens with Oyster Sauce. The end results : an absolute bliss since they tasted fabulous. Mama would be very proud indeed! haha

Vegetables with Oyster Sauce SERVE 2
Ingredients :
Your favourite Chinese greens
1 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp water
1/2 tbsp sugar pepper
1/4 tbsp cooking oil
2 cloves of garlic

1. Heat the wok and put in oil + garlic
2. in a bowl, mix oyster sauce + water + sugar + pepper
3. add the mixture in the wok
4. add in the vegetables and cook it for few minutes

TOM YAM (Hayati's style)

SERVE 2

Ingredients
cooking oil
1 tbsp curry powder
1/2 onion boiled water (the amount is as u prefer)
1/2 chicken stock cube
2 tom yum paste
chicken breast
1 tbsp tomato ketchup
vegetables of your fave
daun limau purut ( dunno wat it is called in English)

1. heat the pan and put in oil.
2. add in curry powder
3. add in the onion
4. put in water
5. put in the chicken stock cubes and tom yam paste
6. put in the chicken breast
7. add in tomato ketchup
8. finally, put in the greens and leave it to cook for 15 minutes

cooking lesson #4

few days back, i did fried mee for breaking the fast. fortunately, i had Maya who then became the master chef for this recipe. overall, it was YUMMY! this statement is also approved by my sis. hehe

FRIED MEE

mee kuning
2 eggs
chicken breast
garlic (2 cloves)
vegetables
soy sauce
salt
pepper

1. heat the wok
2. add oil + garlic
3. add in chicken
4. add in soy sauce
5. add in mee + eggs
6. salt and pepper

sorry. this time i didnt manage to snap the pictures.

through this lesson, i now know that mee kuning is pretty oily. not to be eaten too much. hehe

Life is a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get.

I've just finished watching the movie, Forrest Gump. Since my holiday is ending real soon, i need to finish as many movies as i can.
I can't believe that i missed out watching this amazing movie back then. Well, i was to be blamed for this. During my teenage years, I was more into the comedic and idiotic films rather than lengthy and drama type of movies. However, ive realised that ive missed quite a lot of "must-see-before-you-die" movies.

So, back to the movie; Forrest Gump will make u to reflect back on the life that u have. Other than that, it provides u with historical events that had great effects on the world. Oh, the good thing is also that, u now no longer wonder about those quotes written on the wall of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Restaurants. The places will also definitely remind you of certain scenes in the movie. Im not surprised that i might even try out shrimps on my next visit there.

Well, i do not wish to spill out the movie's details here. It's a 2+ hours movie. Overall, it's a double thumbs up movie. You will gain extra general knowledge by the end of it.

Run, Forrest, Run!

Elective report and logbook

i am extremely lazy to initiate this task. i was supposed to start this 2 weeks ago but now, im only remaining with 2 weeks to finish this. DAMN to procrastination. Raya is next week and im sure, i will have no time to do this since my family will definitely wants to go out and shop around. Sometimes, i wish i am studying in UK. at least, my role there is to ONLY study and survive. oh well.

the ONLY thing that i am passionate about

my boyfriend?
Pharrell Williams?
Subaru ?

nahhh... i am known to be passionate to this love life for more than decades. even one of my tutors mentioned that i need to show my passion in medicine just as much as he saw the firing spirit in me when i scored the goals during futsal.

yeap yeap, it is nothing else but FOOTBALL / SOCCER (ver. US). I do not know how i develop this craze. but as far as i can remember, it dated back in 1998. the 1st football image that i have in mind is the final match of World Cup 1998; Brazil vs France. i remember that i was late for school due to the match. till then, i have been an avid football fan; watching Premier Leagues matches and reading the updates from the newspaper.

For things that i have done for football :

1. I don't mind sacrificing my morning beauty sleep just to watch any important match.
2. i sacrificed my revision for Biology mock exam in A Level just so that i could watch the Champion's League final; LFC vs Inter Millan. Damn, it was all worthy!
3. i used to cut out the EPL schedule and pasted it on my room wall.
4. i asked my parents to buy me World Cup fanbook.
5. my most expensive t-shirt so far has to be a football jersey.
6. to date, i have Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool jerseys. I have also bought the Netherland t-shirt and one football jersey.
7. i had been the captain for my Uni futsal team; joined several competitions and managed to be the champion for 2 futsal matches.
8. went out with my guy and bought futsal boots for ME instead of him.

Honestly, if football is a profitable job in my nation, i would gladly be a footballer instead of a doctor. HAHAHA

cooking lesson #3

today, i managed to cook another dish : sweet and sour chicken

since it is the fasting month, it is quite difficult for me to test for its taste while cooking it. fortunately, i didnt screw this recipe up though i have to admit, more can be done to improve its taste.

so, as always, let me expose u guys to the ingredient :

SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN

Serves 4

chicken breast
1/4 cups (60ml) corn starch
oil for frying
capsicum
pineapple slices
1 medium onion

sauce :
3 tbsp vinegar
4 tbsp sugar
4 tbsp ketchup
1/2 tsp sesame oil
5 tbsp water
2 tsp corn starch

1. mix corn starch and chicken
2. deep fry them for few minutes and leave them to cool

3. in another pan, heat the oil
4. add in capsicum, onion and pineapple
5. add in vinegar + sugar + ketchup + sesame oil and stir for 1 minute
6. add in the fried chicken
7. in a bowl, mix in water and corn starch.
8. put the solution in the mixture to thicken the sauce

im forever grateful to encounter such website. this is far more beneficial than spending hours on facebook.

Gratitude to my master chef : http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-make-sweet-and-sour-chicken

cooking lesson #2

other than bread pudding, i also made a baked potato to go with my spaghetti. it is another SIMPLE recipe. Im sure, any 10 year old kid can do it too! sorry guys, i forgot to snap some pictures of my product. keke nevertheless, i will definitely do this recipe again.

again, kudos go to this website who is currently my master chef. RESPECT!

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-make-baked-potatoes

BAKED POTATOES

Potatoes
Olive oil
Salt

1. Rinse potatoes with cold water
2. Dry the potatoes using kitchen roll
3. Use fork and just pierce through the potatoes at different sites (as if ur stabbing 'em)
4. Coat the potatoes with olive oil and salt
5. Put them in oven at 180 degrees celcius for 45-55 minutes

END RESULT : a jacket potato! To make it more YUMMYLICIOUS, prepare the toppings e.g cheese and mac. I didn't know how to do it so, yea, mine was quite bland

cooking lesson #1

for the 1st time, i tried to bake bread pudding. i was 1st introduced on how to do it from Radly's mom. the ingredient is minimal with simple instructions. yes, yes, my type of cooking. furthermore, since i have 1-day expired bread, so why don't i use it rather than letting it to rot.

since i couldnt get the recipe from her, i managed to find it online and thanks to our super modern technology, i found a video which eventually became my master chef. it turns out well in the end. it was not that sweet but the apples and raisins compensate it anyway. the bread was also soft. however, i wish i know how to do the sauce as well. overall, i gave it 4/5 as a 1st timer.

so, here is the recipe. credit goes to :

http://www.videojug.com/webvideo/how-to-make-apple-raisin-bread-pudding

APPLE RAISIN BREAD PUDDING

SERVES 4

2 chopped apples

2 tbsp butter

3 cups of bread cubes

4 eggs

2 cups of milk

1/3 cup of sugar

1. melt the butter

2. add in the apples and stir for 5-7 minutes

3. add in the bread + raisin + milk + egg + vanilla + sugar

4. put the mixture in an oven-cooking dish

5. bake for 45-55 minutes OR until the crust is golden brown at 180 degrees Celcius

NOTE 1 : do not bake for too long or else u will get a burnt topping (JUST LIKE MINE!!)

NOTE 2 : this is actually my 2nd go on the recipe. The 1st was an absolute failure. I accidentally put in SALT instead of SUGAR! so yea, i got sea-water pudding in the end.

BUT THIS IS MY 1ST GO ON BAKING WITH THE NEW CONVECTION OVEN!

DON'T i deserve pats on my shoulders and someone to do the cleanings for me?

my latest obesssion

i know, it's kinda late of me, at the age of 21 and only till now that im into this thing. my mom developed this habit at such an earlier age. oh well, but im glad that i am starting to enjoy this.

click here to find out what i was talking about

retarded Facebook apps!

lately, my inbox has been flooded with notifications for these applications on Facebook. What annoys me the most is that the apps are not real! they will just randomly place your name into either the stalking list or the character list amongst your friends list.

so, people will write in comments just so to entertain the page. since some of the photos were posted by individuals that i have minimal contacts with, i just cant be bothered to check each of them out. it's just that at times, i have the tendency to peek just in case my name is mentioned by some of them.

other than that, this thing is no longer fun but

DAMN PISSING ME OFF!

so true!

im just a dreamer

FYI, i am a dreamer. yeap yeap. i am not a deep sleeper and seeing vision of darkness during that beauty sleep. what annoys me is that i still have this particular person popping in and out randomly in my dream sometimes. ive managed to talked to some of my friends regarding this and they couldnt give me a valid reason for this matter. however, one of my good friends blurted that perhaps this was due to some unfinished/unresolved business between me and this individual.

upon hearing this, i tried to dig out in my memory of all the things that i still need to deal with this person. in a way, i could think of none. furthermore, my relationship with that person is also fine.

but a few days back, im starting to realise that this person has left me with something that has affected me greatly. something that made me to be whoever i end up to be now. a monster part of me that brings a major destruction and disturbance to my relationship.

if i were to have one wish, i want to tell this person 1 thing.

"i want you to know that because of your foolishness, i am no longer the person that i used to be. because of what you did, another innocent individual is paying the toll of it. i have no idea on how i can erase this part of me but you have basically ruined me. sometimes i wish i would have never known you at all"


now, i wish i can reformat my memory.

friends forever?

I graduated from high school , Jerudong International School (JIS) in 2006. JIS was one of my highlights of my life. There, i learnt the value of friendship and freedom. JIS also managed to make me a more creative person. Though i was only there for 18 months, there were tonnes of eye-opening moments of my life.

On our last days being there, we got to sing out 2 songs to mark our graduation. It was none other than Vitamin C (Graduation song) and F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme song (I'll be there for you). Those 2 songs will absolutely bring me to smiles whenever i reminisce bout my times there. Though there were some moments that i absolutely regretted of being involved in, overall, i was very much happy being there and proud to end up being the person i am as today. Sometimes, i wish i did not leave JIS when i first went there in year 10.

However, today i stumbled upon this video dat is saddening but ironically true. I hope some of my friends can really have a look at this video.

i do....... NOT!

as one grows older, one will definitely be looking for a partner, someone that you want and rather spend your whole lifetime with. since i am no longer in my teenage years, most of people that i know seem to handle this whole relationship differently. some take it quite seriously and they do not mind taking the risk of getting married at such a pretty young age.

truth to be told, i am currently single THOUGH i am not available. yes, i am currently with someone that i am comfortable with. however, the word marriage still seems to be quite far away from our world. furthermore, none of my ex-classmates in Brunei have initiated the path though some of them have been with each other for the past half decade. *Naz and Wani, Rash8 and Zurah, Amer and Neena. YEAP, I am talking bout you all. haha

from my side, i think my family would be utterly shocked if i were to mention the word marriage. to them, that vocabulary should not exist in my dictionary since i am ONLY 21! it somehow still sounds too early to be pronounced. From his side meanwhile, well, his eldest brother is 30 and he is still NOT married. so, you can see how NOT ready both of us are when it comes to this matter.

well, who i am to talk about this thing. things and decisions can change greatly with environment. who knows, i might even get married before the end of the 5 year medical course.that would be in 2 years time!! *gasp* well if God has planned it that way, then i definitely have no right to go against it rite?

whatever it is, the ultimate goal is definitely to be married for only ONCE and hoping for it to last till eternity. come on, based on the current trend of divorce rates, i surely do not want to fall into the madness. furthermore, marriage needs a tremendous amount of commitments. and hence with that, you should be expecting of having more responsibilities. i need to make sure that i am all buckled up and ready to sail through it before finally saying......

I DO... <3

happy 52nd year of freedom malaysia.

yeap yeap. today you are a year older dearest Malaysia. So far, you have aged gracefully amidst of the economic crisis experienced globally. Though at times, you might experience hardship especially those concerning of politics but then, you seem to be able to handle it well.

As one of your populations, I am proud on how u have turned out to be. You managed to put yourself in line with other countries in our region. At least, people can now imagine geographically where we are located and the images of Twin Towers and F1 Sepang Circuit will also pop in their heads when mentioning of u. There are also tonnes of places of interests available in just one piece of land and thus, you do not really bore the visitors out.

Despite that, i am a bit embarrassed with the political issues going around in your land. In general, the word "politics" itself is already dirty and sneaky . Sometimes, weird and unlogical duels will break in and i wonder what would your neighbouring countries feel about the matter. Come to think of it, you are 52 now. Don't you feel tired of living the life that way?

In addition to that, whatever has happened to our sports performance? You used to be one of the favourites for certain games but this is no longer the case now. I thought we are living in a hi-tech country and hence, dont you think that the athletes' performance need to be as that as well? Come on, bring back the glory!

Nevertheless, there are still tonnes of things that are still needed to be accomplished. I hope you will never stop being productive since you need to support millions on your land. You know we, the millions inhabitants, are really expecting on an endless of prosperity and wellness. So, try harder Malaysia.

oh, happy 52nd birthday Malaysia!