another one...

20 months have passed.

but yet i still have difficulty in understanding him.

it is still even harder for me to trust him completely.

will he breaks my heart if i open up my heart to him?

should i surrender fully to him?

i should be lucky to be with a guy whom stood by me through the ups and downs.

i should be grateful the fact that im with this guy who is different in compared to the rest.

he has all the qualities that girls would die for.

but why do i still look for more?

why am i not satisfied with this?

i must be crazy. i must be.

do you still remember that day when i cried...

i imagined the thought of losing you, and it hurt deep inside...

remembering of all the things that i have done, and what you have sacrificed for, i really don't wish this to end...

the fact that i've missed you for so long, i yearned for your care...

the feeling of security when you hugged me, how i wish that for more...

reminiscing of all the sweet and lovely things that you have said to me, i wonder where they have been now...

hoping things not to change, wishing for you to still stay...

be honest with me, and let the pain to go away...

Ramadhan this year...

in less than 1 week's time, the whole nation will be celebrating another Eidul Fitri.. for the 2nd time in my life, i'll be celebrating it in Malaysia this year. I am not really looking forward to it since i don't think we even have raya plans to start of with. furthermore, i have no idea on what we will do but as long as i have my family around, there is nothing more should i ask for i guess.

other than that, the respective week will be our study break for Community Medicine postings. how can i keep the time to revise while i know that i'll be having enourmous distraction from my family? im not sure whether what i have learnt throughout this past 2 months is enough. furthermore, i am really hoping that i do not get panic attack during the VIVA session. that would really spoil it all.

anyway, im kinda glad that my ramadhan this year is more fulfilled in compared to last year. kinda making use more of it and hope i can repeat this next year. well, people. don't feel like writing much now. i've just finished watching the latest episode of gossip girl and damn, it gave me a heartbreak. hehe can't believe im such a fanatic for this series! orite then mates. gnites!

random...

sometimes im tired of trying... sometimes, i just wanna let loose and let fate takes me where i am supposed to be... but then again, what's the use of life if u live dat way... how at times, i wish i can free my mind, free my emotions from falling apart... i miss the feeling of belongings... i miss how life used to be... well, maybe it's my fault for being this way... ive been looking for the answers, but they seem nowhere to be found... should i blame it on other people? or do i only have myself to be blamed? do i ask too much? or maybe im just being ungrateful?

if i had the chance to travel time back, i dun even know where i want to re-start life from... Oh God, give me the strength... give me back what i used to have... i rather be, the simple nani that i once was...

it sucks to be an alien in your own country

well, i can consider myself lucky for what i have got. im a malaysian but ive been living in Brunei for almost throughout my life. im sure there are some people who wanna be in my shoes but nevertheless, there is a price to be paid.

once you are on your own, back to where you "should" belong, you begin to lose the things that you treasure before. you feel as if you're lost. u miss the way things back then. friendship is one of the things. currently, im in this situation where i just dunno whether the people around me can be trust-able and accepting me the way i am. It is never easy to be considered as a minority. you do wanna try to open up but you just don't dare to face the consequences. You have the options of either to change the way you are and adapt with the situation or be heck with them, i should keep my "let-me-lead life the-way-i-want-it-to-be" attitude. but then, i know, the majority is on the right track and they will benefit way more than me.

should i just continue life this way or should i put down my white flags and march on with the rest?

God, i pray for your strength. help me along to make this life, a bit easier on me.

back then...

my friends used to tell me that university life will be the times of your life. judging from my friends' facebook and friendster pictures, i guess it is true. unfortunately for me, im stuck in this lil shanty town of Cyberjaya. most of my friends will go back to their home during weekends and thus, leaving me feeling lonely and rotting..

im still searching for friends that i am compatible with. someone that i know, i can let out my feelings comfortably whenever im feeling down. someone that i can show my true colours with other than towards my guy. it has been 2 years ever since i left Brunei. i know, i should stop looking back at the past and perhaps, change myself to adapt to the environment. but this environment is quite different from where i was from and i dunno whether i should feel good or devastated bout this. *sigh* it's hard to be considered as a minority group here.

and yeap, i do have a boyfriend. but i can't expect him to be there by my side the whole time. he has a family that he'll go back to during the weekends. deep down inside, i envy him. how i wish i have my parents down here in KL so that i have my emptiness to be filled in. but hey, cheer up nani. they'll be here in 1 month's time.

till then, hang on panini.

a day before ramadhan

all home alone today. how could i forget that Merdeka's eve was last night... guess i'm still not malaysianised enough.. but come to think of it, i don't think i dare to go to the Merdeka countdown... you see, Malaysia is a bit unpredictable.. you can never noe what can happen in gatherings as such.. i was there at the Avril Lavigne's concert. somehow, i heard that there was a demostration going on in hoping the concert to be postponed. luckily, it didn't ruin the concert and it was a blast. how i wish i had memorised all the songs beforehand...


so, malaysia will be starting its Ramadhan tomorrow. fortunately for all my bruneian friends, they are starting theirs on this Tuesday. how lucky! but hey, does it really make that much of a difference?

well, im currently thinking of ways to get my tummy flat back again. now i know how it feels like for other girls to be all fussy about how they look. i used to be able to fit in size as small as XS. but well, well, who would've thought, medical schools can pump u out that bad. so today, i started my regime with breeze walking by the lake at my place. honestly, im lacking in stamina! though im small sized, im pretty hopeless when it comes to jogging. Ramadhan is here. so i hope this can also act out as an adjuvant for me.

i've got many things to be done now. but somehow, i don't feel like doing anything at all. the older you grow, the lesser free time that you will have. the next thing you know, you'll be juggling working life and marriage. where's the time for fun!?

ok people. im heading out now. got my laundry waiting to be put up. chiaw!

a lil too late?

well well, people might think that ima copycat for blogging here now... ahh..heck.. why i should i be bothered with that? come to think of it, i have blogged ever since high school... i love to write about how i feel and what i think of... however, i do know that i have limitations in doing so. for instance, i can't actually spill everything out of my chest... at times, i can't really project out my anger and my frustration... people who know me since i was small, will get the idea that i am not the type of person who needs an anger management program...

however, someway somehow, i've changed... i don't know whom to be blamed or what triggered this... maybe i am just an ordinary youngsters trying to figure out the purpose of life... wait a minute, i am 20 now.. am i still considered as a youngster? hehehe

without realising it, i'm already in my 3rd year of studies.. dat means, i have another 2 years to go before my housemanship years... people have been telling me how terrifying the life of a houseman can be... well, as if i haven't faced a sneak of it... hehehe

anywho, i need to improve on my English... it's dying slowly! where have all my 10 years of learning English been gone to? my vocabulary usage is also diminishing... gaaahhh... can i have Mr Wiggle back here as my English tutor ?

okay people.. i'm pretty sleepy now.. a lot of energy has been used up for thinking processes... if only i can have a pendrive to be used inside my brain... hehehe

till then, nites!

far away...

You know all the things i’ve said
You know all the things that we have done
And things i gave to you
There’s a chance for me to say
How precious you are in my life
And you know that it’s true

To be with you is all that i need
Cause with you, my life seems brighter and these are all the things
I wanna say...

I will fly into your arms
And be with you
Til the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know it’s very hard for me
To get myself close to you

You’re the reason why i stay
You’re the one who cannot believe
Our Love will never end
Is it only in my dream?
You’re the one who cannot see this
How can you be so blind?

I will fly into your arms
And be with you
Til the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know it’s very hard for me
To get myself close to you

I wanna get
I wanna get
I wanna get myself close to you

happy birthday to you =)

tomoro will be the 4th of august...


happy birthday dad!

im grateful to have you in my life.

wat..??blogger now?

why am i turning into this blog site now?

well, this is the only way in which i can express my true feelings comfortably...

friendster and msn spaces blogs are pretty, publicised for now...and knowing me, of course i dont wish to spill my personal feelings to the rest whole world...

so, i believe this might be close to my real diary...all my doubts...all my questions, will be asked here...

and for now, i have this thing that has been bugging my mind...

how do u know, if that person is truly "The One?"

i dont think i have any married friends...so i dont really have the chance to ask this to a real married person...

and through my parents' experiences, i dont think they can answer it well too...

is there any particular feelings that u may experience that made u say that person is THE ONE...

maybe i should ask this question perhaps...

does THE ONE truly exist?