my lullaby

last saw you in May. 7 months has passed by. Only God knows how much I miss seeing her bubbly face and hearing that meow. Nevertheless, glad to know that she still lingers in the house and is growing well. I'll be back one day and have you in my arms again! 

I know i might sound crazy to dedicate a post on a cat but if you have a pet, I bet you will understand how I feel! Call me a lunatic but hey, I think you might need a lil more love in your life. 

Reflection

In less than 2 months' time, i will be 25 years old. Oh God, it is creepy knowing the fact that you are growing older than you realise. It feels like i was only 20 years old. Sometimes I wonder where have my past 5 years been left to.

However, Alhamdulillah, God has been great to me. My life is moving in line with the plans; to get a medical degree and to earn a living. I am now a houseman a.k.a junior doctor and has been working for more than 1 year. I am now a young and independent woman. I can now pay for my own rent, buy my favourite stuffs (handbags and shoes!) and eat what ever I like. I can also pay for my parents' dinner and sometimes treat them with surprises especially when they come down to visit me in Miri.

Despite that, I do not consider myself as a successful person since I know I am still lacking in some other aspects of life. One must never be satisfied with their achievements and must strive further. Life is getting harder as you grow up and that is a challenge for us all. However, it is also to be reminded that we should be thankful for everything that God has granted to us. Never forget your creator.

Nevertheless, I also realise that there are still other weaknesses that I have not found ways to combat them. It's true. Old habits die hard. Sometimes, I struggle with myself just so I can change into a better person. Things around you can be demotivating and hence making you to lose hope. Hence, there were times that i give up easily and that can worsen the situation.

Sometimes I wish I can turn back the hands on time just so to make my life a little less complicated. However, if you ask whether there is anything that I wish to erase and re-do in the past, well, I do not think so. Without all those, I do not think that things will end up the way I am today.

another entry

today i am going to talk about "changes".

we know that as times go by, things will start to change. it is something that some anticipate. changes give you the opportunity to appreciate former things as well as embracing a better future. but for others, it mean the otherwise. changes will make you wonder, where and how things go wrong. fingers will be pointing to someone for the blame but sometimes they just do not make things any better.

if you have the desire, you will try your best and adapt to the changes no matter how bitter they can be. all you have to do is to swallow the whole thing in and still hope for better new days to come. maybe, there is actually light at the end of the dark tunnel.

but then again, how long should you wait for that miracle to happen? how can we be sure that our expectations will be met? what if everything just goes down the drain and you realise that you've been wasting your time all the while. saying goodbye to things can be hard to do.

perhaps sacrifices must be made somewhere, somehow whether it is for the worse, or better.

*sigh* growing up, is never and has never been easy.

Loneliness

deep inside, i am dying to let you know how i feel inside.

but somehow i dont really know of the best way to describe it nor i know how to express it clearly.

these last few days are surely hard for me.

the emotions inside are driving me crazy.

get away

the purpose of me blogging today is just to let out my frustration or perhaps, untangle the confusion that i have in my mind.

it has been awhile. i have been working as a house officer for almost 5 months. slowly, the working life has sucked out the joy in me. i guess, working life is more or less like a death eater, leaving you in despair by the end of the day. i will start the day by waking up and in half an hour later, i would be starting the morning rounds. then i will end my day, my meals and bashing your colleagues to your friends and good night world, i will be back on my bed, sleeping. the next morning, the whole cycle starts all over again. not to mentioning, we work on public holidays too.

other than that, you will notice that work will indirectly change you or your partner too. you will meet up with various new people and your perceptions can change. emotionally, you will be easily affected. but bear in mind, it will only last temporarily and good days will come eventually.

hence, this explains the reasoning behind my mood to blog today. something came up unexpectedly and i have been feeling down. i know i have not been a good Muslim but my faith in Him is strong. i know everything happens for a reason.

hence, i just need to hang on tight.

be strong girl. you're worth more than that.