Ramadhan this year...

in less than 1 week's time, the whole nation will be celebrating another Eidul Fitri.. for the 2nd time in my life, i'll be celebrating it in Malaysia this year. I am not really looking forward to it since i don't think we even have raya plans to start of with. furthermore, i have no idea on what we will do but as long as i have my family around, there is nothing more should i ask for i guess.

other than that, the respective week will be our study break for Community Medicine postings. how can i keep the time to revise while i know that i'll be having enourmous distraction from my family? im not sure whether what i have learnt throughout this past 2 months is enough. furthermore, i am really hoping that i do not get panic attack during the VIVA session. that would really spoil it all.

anyway, im kinda glad that my ramadhan this year is more fulfilled in compared to last year. kinda making use more of it and hope i can repeat this next year. well, people. don't feel like writing much now. i've just finished watching the latest episode of gossip girl and damn, it gave me a heartbreak. hehe can't believe im such a fanatic for this series! orite then mates. gnites!

random...

sometimes im tired of trying... sometimes, i just wanna let loose and let fate takes me where i am supposed to be... but then again, what's the use of life if u live dat way... how at times, i wish i can free my mind, free my emotions from falling apart... i miss the feeling of belongings... i miss how life used to be... well, maybe it's my fault for being this way... ive been looking for the answers, but they seem nowhere to be found... should i blame it on other people? or do i only have myself to be blamed? do i ask too much? or maybe im just being ungrateful?

if i had the chance to travel time back, i dun even know where i want to re-start life from... Oh God, give me the strength... give me back what i used to have... i rather be, the simple nani that i once was...

it sucks to be an alien in your own country

well, i can consider myself lucky for what i have got. im a malaysian but ive been living in Brunei for almost throughout my life. im sure there are some people who wanna be in my shoes but nevertheless, there is a price to be paid.

once you are on your own, back to where you "should" belong, you begin to lose the things that you treasure before. you feel as if you're lost. u miss the way things back then. friendship is one of the things. currently, im in this situation where i just dunno whether the people around me can be trust-able and accepting me the way i am. It is never easy to be considered as a minority. you do wanna try to open up but you just don't dare to face the consequences. You have the options of either to change the way you are and adapt with the situation or be heck with them, i should keep my "let-me-lead life the-way-i-want-it-to-be" attitude. but then, i know, the majority is on the right track and they will benefit way more than me.

should i just continue life this way or should i put down my white flags and march on with the rest?

God, i pray for your strength. help me along to make this life, a bit easier on me.

back then...

my friends used to tell me that university life will be the times of your life. judging from my friends' facebook and friendster pictures, i guess it is true. unfortunately for me, im stuck in this lil shanty town of Cyberjaya. most of my friends will go back to their home during weekends and thus, leaving me feeling lonely and rotting..

im still searching for friends that i am compatible with. someone that i know, i can let out my feelings comfortably whenever im feeling down. someone that i can show my true colours with other than towards my guy. it has been 2 years ever since i left Brunei. i know, i should stop looking back at the past and perhaps, change myself to adapt to the environment. but this environment is quite different from where i was from and i dunno whether i should feel good or devastated bout this. *sigh* it's hard to be considered as a minority group here.

and yeap, i do have a boyfriend. but i can't expect him to be there by my side the whole time. he has a family that he'll go back to during the weekends. deep down inside, i envy him. how i wish i have my parents down here in KL so that i have my emptiness to be filled in. but hey, cheer up nani. they'll be here in 1 month's time.

till then, hang on panini.